Abstract
In this literacy narrative, I recount a memory where I struggled to learn Spanish so I could fit in with my family and friends, yet I could not improve no matter how hard my efforts were. But with practice, I spontaneously made a full statement in Spanish and I recall how this experience impacted me and my understanding of language.
My Second Tongue
Growing up in New York City can be tough, but when you can speak good English, do well in school, and have good friends, things turn out just fine from what I’ve seen. But when you add having another heritage into the mix it creates a whole new world for you, and it is a great experience. I loved Peruvian culture just as much as American culture, and it wasn’t like they were the same thing. They aren’t. But there is one thing about my heritage that has given me some trouble time and time again. It was the language that made growing up harder for me. I always ended up with an awkward pause after a single sentence that a kindergartener could just spit out. I tried to learn the language, and I ended up enjoying it, but no matter how much I would try to learn it, I still found communication to be too difficult.
I pondered, “¿Que pasó? ¿Que pasa conmigo? ¿Porque esto es tan difícil?” I did not know why I always struggled to speak Spanish. I could write well, I could read, even after I learned to thrill my Rs, which was already hard for me on its own. I would constantly make grammar errors because I was too used to English grammar. Instead of saying “No me siento bien,” sometimes I said “Yo no… siento… ¿bueno?” It was embarrassing having such abysmal speaking skills in Spanish in public. It translated to “No I feel bad” in my head. I thought to myself, whoever invented the ridiculous notion that English and Spanish are very easy to translate to was completed out of his or her mind.
To make things worse, sometimes English didn’t even have anything to do with my speaking problems. Some words sounded almost the same to me and I got it mixed up most of the time. Here are some examples. Trece. Treinta. Catorce. Cuarenta. Llevar. Llegar. They all got me confused and when I was asked how old I was I ended up getting embarrassed for saying I was forty when I was fourteen. Also, I mixed up estar and ser sometimes. I ended up talking about how I was born an American for now as if I could always change my birthplace whenever I wanted to somehow.
For this, my family and friends called me a “gringo.” Now, that could also be because I was born in the U.S. and I am very proud of being an American, proud enough to salute the flag as I leave my college campus every day after my lectures have concluded at the very least. However, this made me feel as if I did not belong with them. I will not be stopped at anything, including getting in touch with my heritage. I said to myself, “I’ll learn Spanish one day and show them that I can be like them too. If my friends could and they were born here, why can’t I?” I tried to learn the difference between estar and ser, and I did. I hardwired the entire Spanish numerical system to perfect my diction when it comes to counting in Spanish. I memorized the terms and differentiated different terms, such as numbers entering in “-cientos” being hundreds and practicing combining numerical terms. From uno to millón. I then learned how to say basic phrases for travel in Spanish by reading basic phrases travelers would use in Spanish-speaking countries. For example, I learned how to make a hotel reservation in Spanish. “Quisiera reservar una habitación para dos personas.” I learned how to speak more Spanish as I went by with the help of the Internet and a language learning app called MosaLingua that helped me learn hundreds of words and phrases by making me read, write, and say words and phrases in Spanish to develop my long-term memory skills.
The next chapter of my journey to get more in touch with my heritage began with a trip to Peru I made over the previous summer. Everything went smoothly until I had to talk with my grandfather on the car ride and I could barely utter a word. I was asked how I felt now that I was going to college, and I forgot how to say “I am…” or “I feel…” I was shocked at how feeble my Spanish was at that moment, but I waited until I got to one of my houses in Peru, and then just as I gave myself another chance to redeem myself, my larynx found itself motionless and I was just dumbfounded. It was as if I have forgotten everything I learned. It was unbelievable. For the entirety of my trip to Peru, it was like this. I could not speak Spanish well, no matter how much of the language I picked up. I often used simple “Hola-adiós” phrases instead. The only time I could remember was when I was talking to nobody, ironically. So, I tried to watch Peruvian television, read text whenever I found it, buy things in Spanish, and even listened to the music there.
Did I learn anything new? Yes, I learned a few new phrases and words. Did I ever use them? No. I felt defeated whenever I had to have a conversation in Spanish. But I still had a good time in Peru, but I wish I knew how to speak better. Fast-forwarding to when I returned to the United States, I wanted to give up on Spanish. My mom sometimes liked to test me and speak Spanish and encouraged me to try.
I thought to myself, “What’s the use?” But I tried one more time. We were talking about countries I’d love to study abroad at. My mom asked me something along the lines of, “¿En qué países te gustaría estudiar?” At first, I started slowly. Then my vocals did what was, for me, the impossible. I replied, “Me gustaría… estudiar… en países como… como… como España, donde puedo estudiar español, o probablemente en México o Perú, o estudiar biología en lugares con museos relacionados con la investigación científica basada en biología como Holanda, o aprender informática y tecnología en Japón.” Or perhaps something along the lines of those, but what amazed me was my fluency. To speak so innately, I just thought about how others around me spoke Spanish, and I even mimicked their hand gestures and talked the way they do, and soon enough, I truly spoke Spanish with my mother with confidence. Not one long interval of silence between my words except when they were done because my mom was astonished by my display of lingual prowess. To this day, I still try to improve my Spanish-speaking skills, but this was a milestone that led me to continue my Spanish education. I know that there are others like me who are of Spanish descent that feel like I did when their Spanish is no good for them, but from this experience, I can confidently say that they can improve their Spanish with practice, and it does not always come right away, and might even come by surprise like with me, which is all the reason to remain persistent. To them, I say, “Practica y mejorarás. Te deseo buena suerte.”
Cover Letter
Throughout this phase and writing this assignment, the insights I gained regarding language were that usage of words and phrases in a specific manner can add emotion and meaning to one’s text. It can be from the tone used to show the author’s attitude towards anything, such as something unpleasant which would add words that describe feelings of disgust or be used in reactions of disgust. Or perhaps from mood, which sets the emotion of the scenario of a certain plot point.
Rhetorical insights I gained include how I persuaded others to follow my example using language such as “I can confidently say…” so that they can understand the social significance of my narrative and how they can grow from it like I do in the end.
Insights on writing I gained include how I can attract the reader’s attention and satisfy him or her with the ending. In my narrative, I struggled to learn a language, and as it progresses, I show how I struggled more and more, even when I was getting better, it was all for nothing at one point. Then, towards the end, I show the turning point, when I spoke innately.
Terms that impacted my learning include “rhetorical situation,” which I did not know the definition of beforehand. The components of it are the foundation of my narrative, as I, the writer, am sharing this to tell how I improved at Spanish to feel more accepted from my family and myself as I live in a Hispanic family, I present the subject as a struggle to learn Spanish that seemed hopeless from the beginning to the near end, all to an audience that might relate to my struggle such as Hispanic-Americans who are not fluent in Spanish.
This phase’s assignment helped me to achieve to goal of exploring and analyzing rhetorical situations as I used this as a means of making my narrative as engaging, persuasive, and perhaps relatable to a Hispanic audience while detailing my personal growth in the field of language study that also connects to literacy as it is about learning Spanish.
